Happy Birthday, My Love. This January I promised to let go off you, just a bit…’Remember no man ever lived without dying. Remember the things that you wanted to be. Nobody ever failed without trying…Through time walk with me. With your hands set me free.”

But I have missed you more this year than any, since you made your way across the moon. It’s not just because everything I clung to since your passing has disappeared into a black hole. Nor because I realized that blood is thicker than water. I’ve missed you because you were the only person who could make smile when I cried. it’s not loneliness. God has always been kind to give me enough people, who will hear me whining away to glory. But to understand the obsessiveness of it, they would have to be our mother’s child.

The last year of your life keeps playing on mind, these days. The hopelessness, the sheer confusion, the need to cling to anyone and anything and still feeling lost all the time. Partying one minute, crying the other. Forgive me if you ever felt alone in that state.

I think it’s part of our genetic disposition to chase rainbows. You were chasing yours and I can’t fathom what I have been doing. All I know, is that I miss being in your corner and I miss so much having you in mine.

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