Everything changes, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. Over the past decade, I’ve spent a number of Diwalis and New Year’s Eves cuddled up in bed. ‘In each loss there is a gain’ therefore, the second year in a row I spend my Diwali with the Anonymous Aunty and the Night Rider. Though, AA is the queen of gossip, he’s the kind of person one can always call up, when one doesn’t want to be alone and he’s nice enough to show up. We two Crabs, bicker like crazy ( about my temperament and his verbal diarrhoea) but it’s an entertaining equation, nevertheless. He picks me up, which I always find ironic (so touching) and we catch the afternoon show of Aae Dil He Mushkil.
I don’t know if it’s Anushka and Ranbhir’s overacting, the fact that it’s a little close to home or that I come from a lineage of aashiqs but I spend half of the film sobbing. ‘ Jab intezaar sirf waqt ka ho……’ Oh man, that dialogue releases my queen of non stop melodrama from the freaking dungeon. Uff, awful. After watching a mediocre film with shit loads of overacting and crying a bucket full of tears, I’m convinced it’s going to be a terrible day. But I underestimate the company. We stroll around for a bit and then pick up the Night Rider. Mr Roy, returns my call.
Yes, despite my boys insistence that it’s a passing phase, this one seems to be weathering the storm. Though, I’ve strongly discouraged him from calling, I’ve always had an affinity with the written word. The messages are corny- the way they are when a man tries to woe you. Since, I’ve been dating the younger ones, I’m out of practice. From ‘kabhi kabhi’ to references to ‘my beautiful self’, it’s the ‘when you need to crack a tough nut, you need perseverance’, that actually makes me blush. We chat for a couple of minutes. A few minutes later he calls again. ‘You guys be careful and give me a few hours of your time, when I come to India in December’, says Mr Roy, in his usual charming manner. ‘Men make women messy and isn’t it ironic?’, I ask myself as I finish the conversation. Someday, far far in the future, when I’m able to talk about somethings more honestly, you will realise just how ironical all of this is.
Anyway, back to the boys. They show me a really good time. We wander around a market place. Look for an interesting place to grab dinner but all the restaurants in Nehru Place and Greater Kailash are closed. A bar in Kailash Colony is open. It’s a visual treat for us, as there’s a private expat party happening on the terrace and some gorgeous women are dancing away to glory. A grub fest and a couple of drinks later, I’m all set to take on the dance floor. We dance for a bit and then head back home. The one who waits, calls on the landline. ‘Pyaar me junoon he, par dosti me sukoon he,’ I’m reminded of Anushka’s dialogue, as I’m falling asleep to the sound of his voice.
The Man-Child is giving me sleepless nights. Don’t mistake it for the throes of romance but my highly evolved defence mechanism just driving me up the wall. I stuff my face with a MC Chicken and Fries, endless amounts of chocolates and yet sleep evades me. I pace the basement, go the the ground floor, play a while with my phone and nada. No sleep.
‘I know you intentionally made sure that we wouldn’t speak before I left. You knew I wanted to and that’s why you didn’t want to!’, he accuses me. After all, I haven’t replied to any of his messages and calls because it’s all a bit overwhelming for me. Though he seems a little hurt I keep wondering what is amusing, him so. ‘I miss you’, he says rather sweetly. ‘It’s been twelve hours since you left the country and you miss me already? Send me a list of movies you steal your dialogues from- so that I know how the female character is supposed to respond.’ I miss the mark again…he finds it funny.
You know most days, I can just walk into a room and piss the entire room off by not even uttering a word. I shit you not! It’s my special power, I’ve had it my entire life. Unfortunately, this one is just as obstinate as I am. We banter for a bit and I return to my spot on the stationary cycle, in the gym. So damn, amused by him.
At 5 a.m, I’m wondering if the combination of owning the Rabbit and having enough people to speak to and hang out with is the reason for my absurd behaviour? What kind of a guy are you looking for the Bengali babu, asked me a few days ago. ‘I’ve never thought about it. I just want to be looked at- the way a child looks at candy floss.’ Aren’t you a bit old for that? You’re not 16 anymore!’, he’s aghast.
People find my answers absurd but really check out a matrimonial column, or not, just speak to a twenty something year old. This is what they want-‘Fair (can become dark with enough exposure to the sun), good looking (looks will fade with age), well-settled (life is such a roller coaster, one minute you have money the next minute you don’t), funny (I have no use for wit) etc etc.
I love this ad that I found from a Google search. This is a woman after my own heart- ‘Beautiful female, 29, musician is looking for a 22-30 yr old male.Should be working in some field of art, photography, theatre, painting etc. There should be no pressure for child-bearing and freedom for long periods of time when required. Interested please contact- firstname.lastname@example.org.’ It’s inspired me to write my own. ‘Slightly nutty, four feet something, average looking, 37- year old woman looking for a boy either at least a decade younger or older. Should be incredibly patient, very generous, extremely sincere (should tell the truth, irrespective of how terrible it is) and fiercely loyal ( monogamy isn’t imp, emotional loyalty paramount). Work, money, looks , social stature, are inconsequential. Should love babies, have a sharp memory, have the ability to mingle with people from all walks of life and preferably be tall (only for compensation sake). Interested candidates try to bump into her at her usual haunts. She believes in serendipity.’
I can thank Mr Roy, at last I have an idea of what I want. Come on , come on Mr Right, your disaster awaits you!