The beauty of existence is that we learn…relearn and then unlearn the lessons. Within a month of being back, I was made to unlearn a lesson I learnt on my road trip.
I have always believed that I require very few people in my life and after being alone for a while, my people’s skills are at the lowest ebb. Landed up with a stomach infection and high BP, which lasted a week and culminated into a dramatic night. On Sunday, when I drove myself to the hospital, I relearnt that my survival instincts were intact. I don’t know how I drove there but when I reached, I ran in. The BP had shot up to 160/120, the pulse was at 103 and ECG was irregular. When they decided to keep me under observation, of course, like it’s second nature the first no I wanted to call was 9350…but of course I didn’t. The sequence in which I made my calls is fascinating to me because for the first time I realised that whether I know it or not I do rely on a few people. It was really sweet of them to turn up.
I love life, each time I draw a conclusion about myself, ‘I don’t need anybody’, or this one is classic, ‘when I die…the world will forget me in 4 seconds’, it shows me very so bloody quickly that I am so bloody wrong. My sister, who I have an on again -off again romance with spent almost the entire night. AA, drove down from dwarka and my favourite’s from my Dad’s family turned up so quickly (Don’t ask me where the parents were!). The little baby from Bombay, who is more protective of me than most people kept calling to check up and the most adorable man in this world-who is too far away to come over instantaneously transferred money into my account (since, I never carry cash on me everyone keeps offering me money! Digital India he bhai! I always carry my cards).
But interdependency is a good lesson to learn…for a bit I shall keep my ego on the shelf and admire it from the distance. Anyway, what made the night interesting isn’t the nose rubbing that life gives me but frequently, it is the validation that I have received.
I have this philosophy in life-do whatever you want but never be afraid of owning up to it. It’s the reason I always got into trouble with the parents and the lovers…it’s the reason I have a more scandelous reputation than a lot of women I know…who do more shit than I do! I have been consistently adviced to keep my trap shut or to lie through my teeth. It’s not that I don’t lie or keep my trap shut but I very rarely do it where I should! But you know what, I was given some important information when I lay on that hospital bed and a weight is lifted! I have realised that Life and karma don’t work on the whims and fancies of your reputation. They only take into account your actions and most of all your intentions. My actions may be totally warped but God knows what my intentions are!
Life will respect your guts to own up to your shit, to be unafraid of a herd and to give it all up and walk away believing that it will play out, the way it needs to. Life sorts itself out and makes you relearn, to always listen to your gut!