It’s been almost a month since my mother’s passing. 18th of March, she suddenly passed away, leaving me shell shocked.

Have you ever been on stage? Imagine being on stage with an interactive audience. In the sense, you are delivering a line and the audience starts commenting on each line you deliver. Or better still, have you watched the movie- The Truman’s Show, now imagine being Truman. Well, I’m Truman. Yes, that’s what I have been turned into, someone whose life, pain and suffering are for public gossip and consumption.

Imagine packing up 40 years of someone’s life, in a month and turning it into a gossip magazine, that people consume, while you grieve because, at the moment they assume, you are too weak to retaliate. I want to know how you would like that? Am I overreacting, being oversensitive or immature?

How would you like it, if the day your Mum passes away, your death is fantasised about? How would you like hearing fantasies about adopting a male heir, since the only person, who was opposed to that is dead. I’m sure you would love it.

I’m sure, you would really enjoy it , if your friends and family, sit and rip off not only your existence, but aspects of your mum’s death. I’m sure you would love it. I’m sure, when your house is turned into a tavern, where drunk men, sit and gossip that would please you to punch. I’m sure a couple of days after your mum’s death, you would be able to handle it. I’m sure, in that state when you try to get away from it, a whole tamasha is created and everybody you know is called, you would be so pleased with the world. I’m sure you wouldn’t feel like a wounded, trapped animal with nowhere to go.

I’m sure, while you try to adjust to your mum’s passing, everything that she saved for your marriage, it’s discussed how, it is going to be sold. I’m sure you would be okay, with it. I’m sure you would be okay, with conversations about remarriage, as well. I’m tu padeyshi crazy, everybody else would be able to handle it very well.

Imagine confiding, in people, as we all assume, we should, to keep ourselves sane and that turning into a game of Chinese whispers. I’m sure you would love it! I’m sure, a man who you turned down for a romantic liaison, many months ago, when he picks this month to go all kkkk Kiran on you, nothing about it would scare you. I’m sure when for a few days , everyday, from five in the morning till late at night, you are sent from sweet, to nasty, to obnoxious, to apologetic, to threatening messages, to sweet again ( which you just stop replying to ) you would think all this is very normal, to put someone through. I’m sure, at this time, you would not expect anyone to stand in front of you, to block the onslaught. Someday, someone should read the messages I have received from so many ‘concerned’ individuals in the past thirty days and know what it feels like to be me. They’re priceless gems!

I’m sure I’m crazy, immature, victimised, egoistic, horrible, mad but I swear to God, I’m tired of the niceness of this world. I really am! I’m so glad, I don’t have a shred of niceness in me and last night, SB came out raging to go. This is her time, she needs to stand up and be Kali, SC can wait for the wall to descend, or for her loving bua’s messages, before she comes out again.