I mentioned one’s feeling these uncharacteristic , intense bouts of loneliness. ‘Nothing an inflated doll won’t fix’, I tell myself…’don’t rush into something out of a desperation to feel like you are part of something’. It is quite tempting, to throw caution to the wind and accept one of the proposals but I’m guessing, as soon as I start feeling like myself, again, I will split, so fast. Runaway bride, or some version of it.
This maturity of mine is quite new found. Don’t be fooled by it, lots of times bitten (I ain’t easy, infact I am going to start handing out bravery awards to the exes at some point) and only once shy, the saying applies to me. ‘But oh, how romantic it would be to just let someone rescue me, right now!’ is the thought that plays on my mind as I look down from the balcony.
Then I remembered, one of the boy’s I was dating at eighteen, wanting to climb up, one night. Poor thing, was drunk out of his mind, standing below, wanting to do the deed. Of course, it was a failed attempt, as there’s a grill and barbed wire. But it was sweet.
The pigeons going at each other, in the morning is making me miss my exes. I should stop sitting in the damn balcony! Ironically, the one I spent the maximum years with, I have the least amount of lovey dicey pics with that one. The rest I look at from time to time and wonder what happened to that girl, who couldn’t imagine her life without a man. Wanting to play Romeo mostly and Juliet, sometimes!
The thought of loving someone, somehow miraculously and then having to live without them because they’ll die on you, puts a damper on everything. Plus, I’ve had a realisation-I’ve suffered from penis envy my entire life to only realize now, men are quite weak. Strong enough to be my man? My God, no! You got to do that for your own self. Though, the rabbit is there, men are good for a nice cuddle, haan…I think I should get a dog!