Bear with the frequency of posts. The lack of sleep, throws me off balance. Most people like to talk to others, I prefer writing and wandering. The next two days of shooting, should hopefully, make me tolerable. Until, then here goes-
Found this on Kamla Bhasin’s ( what a woman) wall. For a person, who has been freaking fantastic, at pretending to not know anything ( my standard reply to everything- I don’t know) suddenly one’s opinions are just bursting out from the seams. Is this the new me or just SB being her most aggressive best? Time will tell. This video, is really funny but it makes me wonder, why doesn’t your name reflect your secularism, buddy?
Though, since my mum’s passing, things have been strained between my mum’s family and I, there are some things that one admires them for. One absolutely loves the fact that, one has Christian, Hindu, Muslim Bhabhis, from Jammu, Punjab, Bengal, Goa and Tamil Nadu. This video is awesome and they should all, find it quite funny. Don’t you think?
But Kuddi da Musalman nal vyah, is not a joke, it is still very scandalous and constantly my relatives are fretting, that I’m surrounded by men, who follow a particular religion, henceforth, love jihad, is going to happen, anytime. Lol!! Despite, the fact that one has told everybody, ‘this cow can’t be belled’ and ‘in a world where people are looking for partners one looks for lovers’ the rumours keep doing the round.
One day, I did this whole research on the Sikh/Muslim relationship, which has been extremely strained to put it mildly, to figure out other than partition, what all really hassles the family, so much. I’ll put that up but then I realised it is not a religious issue, at all. It’s a man/ woman issue. It’s because we are considered to be the private properties of our fathers and then our husbands, that it becomes problematic, if a woman marries outside the religion.
Let me tell you how deep rooted the patriarchy is in marriage. So, irrespective of how secular men seem to be, note, none and I mean none, of my niece’s and nephew’s names, reflect the religion of the mother. So, irrespective of which religion my sisters-in law and my sisters follow, their children follow the father’s religion, have the father’s last name and what really gets my goat, also a first name that does not reflect the mother’s identity. So, the photographer Ram Rahman, is a beautiful aberration to that rule and a lovely example of how, two people following two different religions, name their offspring and how it shapes, the world view of the child.
Of course it goes beyond my family. I tend to point fingers at my own first. My Muslim sister in law, can’t return to her place of birth because she can be physically harmed if she does. I too have been very politely, on occasion by a few men, who have liked me, been asked if I would convert, which has offended me, not because I don’t admire, the religion but it’s insulting to my identity, as a woman, with free will. So, either ways, this whole ‘let’s tell the women what to do’ works both ways, in fact that seems to be a commonality between all men.
My Dad’s advice to me, on dealing with concerned relatives, is awesome. The other day he tells me, in his after a few drinks voice, ‘ yeh inko kyaa he jo tujhe bolte rehte he shaadi kar? There’s no point in getting married, you enjoy your life. Next time they tell you, get married, you tell them I have found 4 boys, all of them belong to a particular religion. They’ll never trouble you again! I have no problem, with whoever you want to be with but I will suggest don’t get married, only. It’s not your cup of tea!’ It’s quite funny and relieving. Especially coming from a man who is obsessed with the idea of a male heir, to be all right with a woman wanting to do whatever she wants in her personal life.
P.S- I know it’s belling the cat!