A year gone and a lifetime left

My mother, my self.


I get messages from people all the time, telling me how loving and giving you were. You my darling, were one of the kindest people I’ve met in my life. For you giving may have been a barter, too but in return for only love. That’s admirable but completely naive.I wish sometimes, my bitterness would have rubbed off a little on you but we are all the way we are. We don’t change too much as we age. I though, have become a bigger monster , in the past year. The part which is a little like you, is tucked away, properly and the one that helps me survive, roaring all the time. ‘Tu nahi to koi aur sahi, koi aur nahi to koi aur sahi!’ is no longer just for men, it’s my general attitude towards everything, these days. I’m sure, it would have pissed you off, as much as it does people. But I have no intentions, of unintentionally dying as lonely as you did. So I’ve made a conscious choice, to, avoid any attachments.

What a year, it’s been my darling! But before one starts to wallow in self pity, it’s been a terrible year for everyone. You on the other hand must be upto no good, I’m sure. You’re gregariousness mixed with your naughtiness must be getting you into trouble, whichever side you must have popped up on!

Pop up in your husband’s dreams too and scare him a bit, tonight. I love how you all have decided that, I somehow will manage, everything, without for a minute thinking, what will happen to me. The mess, I will manage, somehow, I’ll sort it all out. But each time life is going to get tougher, one of you ups and leaves. Well, sorry, too bad, ain’t happening this time around! So, you better ask him to stall any exit strategy.