Do you ever have one of those days, when you feel a gut wrenching fear? It began last night. The person, who keeps a hand on my conus medullaris, to support it each time I think I can’t keep my spine erect, has taken ill. The sheer helplessness of being unable to be there for someone, who has never seized to help me, is so frustrating. ‘I’ll kill you if you die on me!’ I want to yell but that’s something I’ve already said and lived to regret. I bite my tongue. Fear…it grips my heart today.

While a comic makes an astute comment on the Israel and Palestine conflict, ‘ You don’t bring a gun to a knife fight’ and Cyclone Tauktae batters Gujarat and Mumbai, one gets the news of a student’s passing. Sometimes, one teaches a larger batch and I can’t seem to recall, if she was a part of mine but still that unsettles one, immensely. She was someone’s child like so many others, who have passed away. Makes me regret, leaving some of the college whattsapp groups. On the one’s I haven’t left, I send a message and am glad to hear they’re well. When this thing blows over, one has to party with the ex students, I promise myself! A few days ago, it was a a young acquaintance, all of thirty one years old! So many people are just dying all around us and we’re still, living as if we have all the time in the world, to make things right.

I’ve wrapped up my shit, told whoever I need to tell whatever I needed to say. The ones who didn’t receive a call or a personal message, one’s chosen to steer clear off. Just got to get the will registered, incase of the eventuality…I’m good to go. Na, actually one last thing: there’s a sick bastard (I have a feeling I know) who keeps linking my name to a website, which then redirects it to another shady one. Now, that ass whopping is the first thing I got to do, as soon as things settle down a bit.