It’s been a strange few days. Only on days like these, one wishes there was someone around to hold my hand, as I walked into spaces that are full of judging eyes. Marriage my dear, is the only thing that abjugates women from their supposed sins. Marrying a rich man will absolve me from real ones.
Am I going to? Fuck, no! That’s just the price that women have always paid for living life on their own terms. Look at the brighter side. In another lifetime, they would have hung me for being a witch. In this one, well, it’s so much easier. You get shunned and spoken about…you fall down, pick yourself up…build a new life. The version of your past that’s convenient and skewed is talked about and is shoved at you again…you fall.. you pick yourself up and you start again. You keep doing it, till you’re alive and when you’re dead you can become a story.
But at some point, you got to do the ungraceful thing. Sometimes between respecting other people and yourself, you got to prioritise yourself. No one can do that for you. You got to say ‘that’s enough!’ at some point. The dragging through the gutter, doesn’t work for my ‘bad girl’ image, that suits nice people better but unfortunately it’s a dog eat dog world and when you’re bottom dog, you got to crawl your way up. The thing that you wanted to avoid for years because you knew by doing it you will loose the chance of giving respect to the two people who mattered then and will continue to matter till eventually my memory fails me. Those feelings didn’t make sense a decade ago to anyone, how would they make sense now? But we continue loving our dead relatives…we also continue loving, our lovers from dead relationships. That’s just how we’re built. Hating requires too much effort and one can only be indifferent when one when will be dead!