Ranbhir Kapoor said on the Kapil Sharma show, ‘ there are no secrets. You will tell your best friend something and they too will confide in their best friend and so on and so forth. Ultimately everyone will know the secret!’ He didn’t mention that eventually someone will mention something to the person who is being spoken about, too.

Gossip is something one has been surrounded by as much as drama. After all, one had a rebel for a mother and one turned out to be a lot more rebellious than her. Nuttier and more experimental, too! There are no free rides darling, if you ain’t going to abide by the rules of the society you got to pay the price for it. If you are a woman that is. Not only will it have an ill effect on your personal life but apparently your ‘brand value’, as well.

If you have a third leg and money though, you could be a liar, thief, an adulterer, a stalker, a fifty year old man cheating on his wife with a twenty year old woman, a rapist, a tax evader, a sex addict, a woman basher, an alcoholic, you could be driving over people sleeping on the pavement, be a murderer, a prisoner and nothing will spoil that reputation and brand name of yours.

Gossip- not that one doesn’t indulge in it periodically but one has always used it as a means for testing people. Sometimes you got to play the fool, infront of the fools who think they are fooling you. I seem viscous. Oh I am! I keep to myself all the time but you know the sayings about snakes hold true for one.

Self deprecating, not at all! Just a little honest. In a world full of people who tend to make others hear their conversations, to prove their innocence, I’m just a person whose stubborn and has a little spine. It’s very interesting how information moves at the speed of light and people worry so much about having said what they have said. I say a lot of stuff but the only good thing about me is, I own my shit-my past, my mistakes, my words I take full onus of them. They’re on me. The only time I should be forgiven, is when I’m drunk because that stuff really doesn’t suit me and makes me truly sentimental. But otherwise, I don’t mindlessly, aimlessly…blabber. One does it consciously, knowing the repercussions of those words and how they will come back.

Why this extra gyaan? I’ve given so many people an occupation in the past year. First they gossip, then I retaliate…then they gossip some more, and then they drive themselves crazy…trying to figure out whose told me about their viscous words. My goodness, it carries on. So much of people’s time and effort is being wasted on someone as insignificant as myself. So, I thought, why not put the rumours to rest. First of all, no one has ‘told me’ anything in particular. If you spoke about me or if you gossip about anyone at all, infront of someone…you know in your heart, their spines and mouths are like yours otherwise you wouldn’t have done it. You will never bitch about a person infront of anyone who dotes on them. No one dares to do that. They do it knowing the recipient of that information is as receptive. If not they will instantly shut it down. ‘Anyone who helps you to gossip about someone can help someone to gossip about you’ said Israelmore Ayivor. So, the recipient of your mindless blabbers, have repeated your lovely words, not to me, like most people worry (since then oh my God, I might think so badly of them) but to lots of other people and words my dearies spread fast! So, spare them the interrogation and spare me the phone calls. Don’t worry, if you thought they were so loyal, you wouldn’t have called them in the first place and you’re absolutely right!

As for your real cause for concern? If you have such a low opinion of someone to think,’ they are starving their father’ ( yup! He looks it) or ‘not letting her father sell the house’ ( which is absurd, since that will instantly make me rich) or ‘creating communal disharmony’ ( you make the Islamophobic comments and I am creating a problem? Wow), I’m moving to Dubai (well that’s turned into I’m too rigid because everyone’s figured that ain’t happening) and similar bullshit I don’t want to repeat, then why worry about what such a horrible person thinks of you? If I thought these things about someone, God knows I would first give them a piece of my mind and then cut them off from my life, instantly! So, have some principle’s man! Straighten the spine, give me a piece of your mind. Stop calculating whether I’ll be useful to you in the future…go for it…hate me. But I suspect the inability to take a stand about anything, isn’t your only problem. People are also worried about what I’ll do with all the accumulated information I have about them. Well, my opinion of myself is so much more important than any vendetta towards, anyone! So, enjoy, your secrets are mine to keep.