Amma,

Happy Diwali Pinky, my Kashmiri Apple! I know you prefer these terms of endearment, complimenting your cute looks to Amma. I was standing outside the house yesterday, checking out your floor- where the renovation is being completed and one of the neighbours said to me-‘ Every time I see you standing outside, I think to myself- she looks just like her mother.’ Aww, ‘andhera kumbh gera’ looks like you! It maybe because I was wearing one of our twinning outfits ( you thought I was being silly buying the same outfits for us but I think they look sweet. I’ll make sure my babies and I wear identical outfits on Diwali). I miss you so much!When someone blesses me or compliments any of SC’s qualities, I miss you terribly. ‘ My Amma, was like that and so much more!’ I think to myself. How sweet you were! They tell me, I hide a heart like yours behind walls of wrath, they have no clue how loving and forgiving you were!

If you were here, you would have looked at how much of an asshole, I’m behaving like and would have yelled, ‘Diyaaa stop behaving like a bitch!’ and we would have burst into peels of laughter. Now, I get angry, write trash in a fit of anger (because I don’t know what else to do) and a couple of hours later think, ‘Wow! My mum would be so disappointed in me, right now!’ then I change the settings, so that, I don’t forget my weakest moments. Hopefully, they’ll make me stronger, someday. If you were here, to everything that was happening your reply would have been ‘let it be’. But I’m yet to take a dip in the Sarovar and ask God to help me control my fury, like you. How violent and uncontrollable you were, uff, you were scary as hell, before that! It seems like, I have replaced all emotions with anger-sadness, fear, anxiety, pain…my one stop solution, is to blow off the handle. I better learn to control this excessive passion, that we all seem to suffer from before I adopt any babies because no one should be exposed to this. ‘Be a monster and then learn to control it. That’s where real strength comes from!’ says JP. Well, I don’t need to try being one but I got to learn how to control it, soon.