‘Jump, let’s do this today!’ tells Sb to SC. She’s fuming, her head and eyes are hurting with all the crying SC has been doing. ‘In any case this whining of yours is going to get us killed, heart attack, cancer, kuch to nonsense ho jayga. Maar chalang, kar naki! Mummy chahiye, mummy! 41 fucking years old, so many people loose their parents at a much younger age! Itna pyaar ho raha he, maar jump adha khandaan upar he. Mummy kyaa karti? You would have put your head on her lap and wept. Would that have helped?’she’s yelling within my head, as I walk over the railway track.
SB is like a raging bull, my brother would call this avatar, ‘ wild boar’. She’s egoistic, practical, a total control freak and quick to show anyone the finger. Also little bit of a tapori. ‘Kyaa hogaya dusri mummy dhund raha he?’ she says to any man who stares at her. ‘Then there are the pet dialogues that only God knows how, they roll off her tongue! ‘Abbé mammu hum tumhare bas ki baat thodi na he!, ‘Tujh se pehle bohat aye he, tere baad to aur bhi ayeenge’ ‘ Tu nahi to koi aur sahee, koi aur nahin to koi sahi!’ SC is super embarrassed by her but she keeps both of them alive and kicking.
For the past few months their conversations go like this-
SC (crying perpetually) Everyone will die, I will be all alone. What will I do, then?
SB – White kapde pehnege, biliyaa rakhenge. Bhooto ki tarah upar neeche ghumenge. Then we’ll convince people the house is haunted, what fun. Don’t like this option? Okay, we’ll make this into a hostel and keep really hot boys. Na, okay, four kids and four dogs or last option, which is my dad’s idea, practice polygamy!
SC- I need a hug, a shoulder to cry on.
SB- Come, I’ll give you. Mein he hu, hero baby tera. Yeh jo tu dhundti he, woh apni story ke hero to ban nahi paye, tere bare banenge. In any case we all have to rescue ourselves, no one and nothing can do it.
SC- Now I have to get married!
SB- What are you going to tell your kids? My mom died I felt scared, so I got married. So romantic, wow. Marriage is a social contract in which economics plays a big role. It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with attachment. Shadi chahiye ya epic love story, with twists and turns, like mom’s and the brother’s? By the way, room and bed share karna parta he. You can’t sleep in the same room, with a pet, you’ll share it with a man? Kar beta, I’ll give you a month, tops.
SC- I want to make babies!
SB- Wow, what an original idea! Not narcissistic at all!! Such amazing genes, no chances of depression getting triggered with pregnancy. Einstein ka dimaag aur Aishwarya Rai, ki looks to waise hi koi adopted bacche mein nahin hongi, jo apparently tumhare mein he? Amazing.
They go on and on and on and on!
‘Ma’am how do you parents support your decision, to go to Kashmir, right now?’, asks one of the students. ‘Forty darling, I am forty!’ I reply. But I have been saying that ever since I was eighteen and of course one couldn’t have told a class full of impressionable twenty year olds that in my younger years, I would be bashed up and locked up, for my rebellion. They’ve sloooooowllly resigned after trying really hard to discipline me.
Mum, who would actually feel bad, if something was to happen to me, doesn’t say much. She knows me so she knows, I always do what I think, needs to be done. ‘ I love you’, she tells me as I leave. I’m glad she doesn’t realise the enormity of the situation. The Father, reacts as he usually does, with sarcasm, yelling and abusing. ‘Tumhare jessa baccha hone se accha, na hona!’ This helps me more than he realises- pricks my ego, doesn’t make me miss home and I end up taking it all out on any man with authority.
The ex assistant worries, as does my dad’s driver. Don’t fight with anyone, please don’t fight with anyone, they plead with me. My intolerance for bs, is well known but somehow I will try, to keep a lid on it. Somehow!
I return to the comforting silence. The mind races in all directions. One’s always enjoyed hanging out with the brothers and it’s nice to meet them after so long. Oh that’s SC for you, superrrrrr emotional, cries in one second, hugs, kisses and loves more than she should.
And now for the one I like-SB. There she was thinking that she is the most ‘badtameez person’ and feeling so very proud of it. After all, that translates into being transparent and having the ability to call a spade a spade. But someone stole my thunder. If guests came to my house or my party and I treated them badly, I don’t think either of my parents would tolerate it, for a second. Shit, so envious today. Mera khitaab cheen liya, uff!
Like my Daddy says, ‘kabhi kabhi apne baap ki bhi baat manliya karo!’ I feel very bad when he’s right and unfortunately he is- money does make the mare to go.