5 a.m. Neither the tree outside the office nor the walks on the factory floor nor the Larry Stylinson videos on loop, help to calm down the mind.
I read the test results again and again. This particular test and its results help. Since last year, one’s used all the findings, from my terribly detailed inspection by the shrink, like an astrological chart or tarot reading. Have the same, ‘wait I’ll show you’ defiance towards them, that one has towards everything. ‘Cope better idiot, normal people don’t get swayed by emotions!’ screams SB. I don’t know whether I should be more afraid of the one who hyperventilates in the middle of the night or the one who is capable of saying the most viscous things. One cares and the other saves her, I guess. SC, seems to be the child ego state and SB, the parent, the adult ego state I’m sure doesn’t exist, in my psyche.
Breathe in…breathe out. Think about home…about green grass and under open skies…the moon…we have nothing and no one left to loose….relax… shhh!
Some nights I struggle, more than others and then the life of the woman, who bore me flashes through my semi sleep state. The ego reminds me to not become a foregone conclusion and these prescriptions save me from myself.
While the rest of us partied our way into 2014 disability activists all over India went on a nationwide candlelight vigil, yesterday. Prominent activists from the disability sector – Javed Abidi the convener of the Disabled Rights Group, Zorin Singha from the National Association for the Deaf, Dipendra Manocha ( National Association For The Blind) Merry Barua (A.F.A), Radhika Alkazi ( Arth- Astha) and Syamala Gidugo ( AADI) ; all came together at the Jantar Mantar in support of a bill which has taken four years to draft. It was a rather peaceful protest with a gathering of a few hundred people- some in wheelchairs, some who couldn’t see and many who couldn’t hear, demonstrating about the new bill not being tabled in Parliament.
The already existing law- The Person with The Disabilty Act 1995 is insufficient in providing for a better future for the disabled. The Bill that is meant to replace it shall do the needful, according to these activists. Some of the changes that the Disability Rights Bill seeks to make such as emphasizing on inclusive schooling and tax deduction benefits to employers of disabled employees, will help in a higher integration of differently abled citizens into the main framework of Indian society. As of now there is a delay in the introduction of this Bill.
According to the 2001 Census there are over 21 million differently abled people in India. What we need to ask ourselves is, if we want these millions of people to be included into our society or excluded from it?